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| Hot water monster that gurgles and groans |
Today was the 6th, yes, 6th visit by a
tradesman for the immersion heater. You say, Wha? What's an
immersion heater? Its a fan dangled extra heater that is part of the
weird hot water tank system that is not run through the central boiler system.
So I can get all technical on you explaining my lesson from the plumber or just
ride this rant to figure out the weirdness they call British Plumbing.
Even the plumbers say, "well, its British".
Getting back to my story. It always takes multiple freaking tradesmen visits to get anything fixed here, even if its not plumbing. Our handyman, Patrick, who is also an electrician, determined that the immersion heater was busted - way back this fall and again last week. Who knew we even had one? So, the letting agent sent out British Gas to fix it. Yup, they sent an electrician to confirm it wasn't working. Told me to book another British Gas appointment with a central heating guy, aka a plumber. So days later, a central heating guy comes out to replace the immersion heater as indicated on his work sheet. Yup, he confirms that its not working too. But he has no parts. So I have to book another appointment. So, he comes today and needs to identify the size of the immersion heater before he can replace it.
It gets better. Another plumber comes
to the house on the same day to fix the shower pump (different jobs, same
system...). Who knew we had one before Patrick told us? Another WTF
is this for? Well, after an hour explaining why our system is a gravity
fed system and there is apparently some kind of open cistern in our loft behind
the eaves (that would be the attic), that feeds the hot water
tank, then is boosted by this pump, so it can deliver adequate water pressure
to 2 showers in the house. A cistern? Didn't the Romans have
aqueducts sorted out? Forget about pressuring the hand held telephone
faucets in the 4 bathtubs. (Why 4? Good question, I guess they plan
spares knowing that one isn't going to work). These pumps also aren't
meant to boost any other appliances. Apparently
the grinding of the bearings is normal and it really won't blow up. That
other funny noise is just air. It all happens in the "airing
cupboard" in our bedroom so we can experience all the drama in sound.
Now that we have learned where the switch for this pump is, Adrian has
experienced laser-cutting water jets from the showerhead threatening to cut off
soft tissue appendages and flood the bathroom.
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| Toilet overflow, exterior sewer pipe in background |
This leads me to flood control. It is wet here. Always. Even today, the sun was out and it was still raining. I freaked out when I heard a torrent of water outside and yelled to Adrian, "Come quick and look at this!!" WTF – water was spurting out the side of the house like a fountain?!!! Thankfully, E's French tutor was here and deadpanned, "its British plumbing. Pour qu'il n'y a pas d'innondations". So why does the toilet overflow jet out of the side of the house onto the walkway? Is this medieval waste management? Yep, if you don't giggle the toilet handle and it starts to run, the overflow will just spurt out a pipe in the side of your house. Seriously, you need more water flooding the area?
I'm not finished with my plumbing rant yet -
I've yet to move to the main floor. So I get why the sewer pipe is on the
exterior - easier and cheaper to fix, as long as it doesn't freeze. But
why does my kitchen sink have an open drain onto the patio? Apparently
this is normal, really. Ick, grey water that combines with leaves and
moss outside to clog up the drain. But that too, is apparently easier to
clean. Geez, how about a closed system so gunk doesn't get in there to
bung it up in the first place? So when you empty a sink full of dishwater, suds seep up on
to the patio to add to your outdoor dining experience. We sometimes need Wellies to get to the patio furniture.
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| Suds from the kitchen sink |
Back to the kitchen sink. I have yet to see a British kitchen equipped with a spray nozzle to wash veg or clean out the sink. Doesn't Grohe from Germany have sales reps here? How about this pretty set of taps where head doesn't even swivel? It just spurts a super-pressurized stream of hot water to the sink pan to ricochet onto you. Maybe the Brits didn't really intend to be away from home so much to colonize the world. Maybe they were just running away from mushy peas and weird plumbing.
I've yet to figure out why LG builds less
efficient washers for the Brit market. Maybe they figure they have more time to
waste? Why does my LG washer in Canada hold twice the capacity and take
half the time to do a load? Why can't I choose a cold-water wash when
there is only a cold-water feed into the washer? And why is it in the
kitchen? About those condenser dryers.
I can understand why condensing water into a tank that you empty after 2
loads would be a good feature in an apartment - but why in a house when you
could vent to the exterior? Good thing we were warned about this by our
banker (and domestic diva adviser) and the 3 filters that need to be cleaned with
this type of dryer. I just found out about the one in the washer, 6
months of laundry later. Oh, and the dishwasher filter, ick. What
about that compartment in the bottom for dishwasher salt?
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| the tank and one of the filters that needs washing for the dryer |
OK, its out of my system now, I can let go
of the plumbing issue and get myself a cuppa tea. You know, with a good cup of tea on another rainy day, everything is good.
